I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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