I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
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