Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
