How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
