she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
