I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize