A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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