Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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