Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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