id be glad to
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize