I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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