Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize