ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
