I'm eating all of the evidence.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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