I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
