I cockslap morals
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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