My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
