Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
