I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
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