Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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