dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
