i just sent this text using only my big toe
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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