i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
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