Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
