YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
