Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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