I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
