You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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