The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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