Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
