You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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