me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
