I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Everything about him screamed your future.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
