I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
