I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
