Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Randomize
