Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize