yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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