After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
