it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
