Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
