Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
