well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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