Betty ford says i'm here all night
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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