Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
