We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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