I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Be still, my beating vagina.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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