i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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