wrigley field is MILF paradise
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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