I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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