when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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