What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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