when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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