I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
