no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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