please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
