you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize