so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
