Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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