if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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