i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
