apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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