I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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