I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
